Shortly after The Penis Guy, I had another strange email interaction. The email itself is pretty impressive and I have half a mind to start from the email, but I think the email will seem much more incredible when placed in the context of the entire story, so I guess I will start from the beginning…
About a month ago I guess I got an email from a guy care of my personal. He sounded like your basic nice-guy. It was one of those – there was nothing wrong with him on the profile, his opening email was the basic- you seem like someone I’d like to get to know -so I figured I’d write back and see what came of it.
The second message from him, progressed as these things tend to do. He gave me more details – where he grew up, what he studied. It turns out that he was a philosophy and theology major, and as he says it, while he was young and unmarried, he was going to spend some years in service, organizing and providing pastoral care in a parish. Okay, so I’ll admit that kinda threw me a little. I’ve dated a minister’s son before (two different guys actually), but never the possibility of dating a pastor seemed a large step beyond that. But hey, he still sounds like an interesting person. And if he is willing to accept that I am a scientist and evolutionist, it may not be a big deal. So I write him back. The only reaction I give to his field of study and current career is this: “That sounds very interesting, although I must admit, despite the fact that I am a Doctorate of Philosophy student, I actually know almost nothing about philosophy - other than the basic mathematical logic that I use in my research...” Then I went on to describe a little bit about my research and talk about other things.
He wrote back very quickly with a message entitled “Checking to see if there is room for two in your Ivory Tower” since I had mentioned that I was destined to live in the ivory tower (the academic world) for the rest of my life. Then it continues, “Hmmm, so far I know you study the predator/prey relationship. Hmmm, wonder if that applies to our exchanges? ;) (I'm flirting).” Okay, a little dumb, but kinda cute.
He then continues onto the general get to know you kind of questions: “What else can I learn about you through email? How about some of your philosophies beyond your schoolwork, such as your philosophy on what brought us into contact with one another? So, what's your idea of romance? What are you looking for in terms of a relationship? What's an injustice in the world that troubles you?” He ends by saying, “Thanks again for writing me back. Between the two of us, maybe we can start something of a habit of doing so.”
This message arrived during the end of my spring break, and the week after Spring Break, I had to scramble to really get my thesis proposal into descent shape, write a lecture, and the like, so I basically ignored all but my most critical emails – so none of “my guys” as I call them got an email from me. About 5 days ago, I got another email from him, a single line: “Still interested in getting to know me?” I got this right at the end of the week, when I was trying to write a lecture (that I gave yesterday and today) and finish off my proposal – no one was hearing from me.
I sit down today, now past my lecture, my proposal into my advisor, and ready to write back to everyone I’d been neglecting. First I read the messages I had gotten. And guess what – I heard from the pastor again. This is the entire email, unedited… Please do not read if you are sensitive or if you parents are in the room… “you dumb bitch i studied whatever the fuck i wanted goddamn”
Okay, so where did that come from? I admit, I haven’t written in a couple weeks, but does that justify that reaction? I didn’t say anything at all negative about his field of study in my messages to him. All I said was that I hadn’t studied philosophy. This just seemed to come out of nowhere. 5 days ago it was “are you still interested in chatting.” Today it is “you dumb bitch.” Quite a switch, wouldn’t you say? I just don’t quite get why some people feel the need to lash out (in a remarkably juvenile way) when they feel slighted somehow. While I acknowledge the motivations, I can’t help but be a little bothered by such a personal attack. I mean, it is never fun to be called a dumb bitch, even if you know it is unprovoked.
I sent a responce to the hate email - very tackful I think... Basically I said "That was completely uncalled for, explained I had been busy the last couple weeks, and said that I was just getting onto email to write him back, but apparently that was no longer necessary." It showed my annoyance, and dismissed the issue without insult (like I did with the penis guy).
End of story - right? Of course not...
I got an email with the subject "I never sent that message"... He suspects his account must have been hacked, becuase he would never speak to a lady in that way. I believe him. I have to admit, it seemed very unprovoked and the writing of the message was drastically different from the rest of the emails I have received, although this attributed to anger/emotion.
I believe him, but I can't help but be alittle suspicious none-the-less... I mean, how could someone hack into his account - and if they did why would they send a hate message to me? I could at least ascribe a motive to him. But if someone did somehow hack his account, the question is why would they choose to send such a message to me, someone they have absolutely no knowledge of? It goes from being a "crime of passion" if you don't mind the overexageration there, to a random act of hatred... At least when there is a motive, it is easy to dismiss, it is much harder now that the motive is gone... At least the penis guy, the situation was so ridiculous that it was funny.
So this makes two jerks that I have attracted in the last couple months. I suppose that is the risk of using an internet personal ad service – that you will get people like this. The internet seems to free people from the usual social etiquettes, and so they feel able and justified in treating others in ways they would never treat people in real life. Whatever.
***Writings copyright 2002 j.a.n. (Akiko Meigetsu)***