I'll start by saying why I am posting this online... I admit I am ridiculing the guy in this interaction - but I just am completely amazed that such people really exist, and I need to express my disbelief. That and it is pretty funny, and makes for a good read (I hope). Reading the dates and responses brings us up to date on my adventures, and leads to my current amazement with men... I must say, I am beginning to hate the "I am male therefore I have a man's appetites" bullshit. Yes, it is the modern day. Honestly and openness and all that. But there is such a thing as going to far... At least I want more. But regardless, I now present to you:
A short time ago, I received, by far the most blatant response to my personal I have ever gotten... Tonight, I was propositioned by a man I have never met, and who has seen only a couple photographs and a paragraph I have posted online.
To fill you in a little on the backstory, he wrote me around the first of the year saying he had read my profile and was interested in getting to know me better - the standard opening message basically. I checked over his profile, and noticed he was 32, and had a 2-year-old kid. He described himself as very family oriented and he assured me in his email that I would fall in love with the kid. I wrote him back and told him that I thought we were at different life stages, since I am still a student, still very transient, and he was a businessman and a father, and therefore settled, and wished him luck finding someone.
His response to me was as follows: "Hey, you are probably right about all that, but I still like to have fun! ;) Contact me again if you would like to mess around a little..." and he included his home and work phone numbers. Needless to say, I did not respond, because, as I said before, if all I wanted was a bed partner, I wouldn't need to post a friggen personal ad.
I figured the story was over... Then about 2 weeks later, I got another message from him... The message is so incredible, I have to post the message in its entity - it is really that good...
"Question, and I will be very blunt about it since we are both adults... would you be interested in a no-strings-attached intimate encounter (a fancy way of saying "getting laid")? ;) I am always looking for a serious relationship, but then again, I am only human, and even worse, I am MALE. So if you want to have a little "fun", let me know because I'm all for it! I have attached a few pics for you... Beware, one of them is quite explicit... let me know if you are interested, and if you think you can handle it...! :)"
Impressive, huh. After all, he is only human, and even worse, male. Which means that his first priority is his penis, and all decisions are based on pleasing the penis. Yeah. Flattering. I mean, honestly, a guy responding to a friggen online personal looking to get laid is not really all that flattering - he must be pretty desperate, and seems to think that I am as well. Great, thanks.
And the photographs - my male housemate opened them when I showed him the email - they were exactly what I expected... Picture one: A picture of his head - which proves he is NOT cute, has a huge bald spot, and a comb-over.
Picture 2: A picture of his chest. Apparently I am supposed to be impressed by his buff (haha) body and become overwhelmed with desire. But I must admit, I am kinda spoiled. My last boyfriend was a just out of competitive fighting shape - he had a rock solid body (and was incredibly good-looking, intelligent etc. - you get the idea). A picture of a kinda squishy chest just doesn't even compare.
The third pict, was exactly what I expected - a picture of the head he actually thinks with. My housemate's comment was that he needed some sort of scale on the picture so I could tell how large it really was, because otherwise the picture really isn't that informative. ...If I think I can handle it indeed... And I have to admit, they are fun to play with, sure, but penises really aren't all that attractive an organ. And just sticking up in a photograph, they are really rather silly looking... And seeing a picture of one is not going to convince me to climb into your bed, not matter what size it is. I mean, damn - does he honestly think that something like that is gonna work? Does he honestly think that it is going to send me running to his bed? I mean really. Think with something other than your penis, please.
The story gets even better, if you can believe it... I sent him an email back (and reported him to the abuse center of the service). Here is what I wrote him: "I thought the issue was resolved when I ignored your first email proposition, but apparently I was overly optimistic. Let me put it to you this way, and I will use small words so as you will be sure to understand. Do not ever contact me again."
Okay, so I admit, I was a little insulting. But come on - sending unsolicited photos of your penis! You should have seen what I decided NOT to send. (Actually, I take that back, you have, since the commentary on the pictures I wrote above is basically what I decided not to send... I figured I didn't need to belittle him (to his face) to get over my own indignation.)
And guess what? He wrote back again: "One last question: IF you are just a student, moving all over, then what are you doing wasting everyone's time on a relationship website like match.com? Are you confused? I could have sworn I saw your profile on adultfriendfinder.com, that is why i even assumed what i did, or I would not have emailed you again... And please don't insult me with the "small" word thing. My level of intelligence is most likely twice what yours is anyway, and it's rude. So Don't write to me either, your type doesn't interest me..."
If that doesn't radiate injured man-hood, I'm not sure what does. Absolutely incredible. Obviously, there is nothing in between fucking around and something serious. And b/c I am still a student, still transient, clearly I must be looking for sex, because I am not yet settled down. It isn't possible that I want a relationship, but am not yet settled. That I just want someone who is still rather transient themselves, so we could move together if things work out... No, clearly that isn't likely, I just want to fuck around.
So now, my question is - is adultfinder.com a real place for finding sexual partners, or was he trying to be insulting and calling me a child? If the latter, it is kinda lame, if the former, it calls his intelligence further into question as the email he uses says the name of the online service right on it... And if his level of intelligence was really as much as he claims - why did he think that his approach was going to be successful... Nice try, buddy. And if he was really as intelligent as he believes, then why can't he understand that I blew him off, not once, but twice?
I have to say though - I am exceedingly happy that "My type" doesn't interest him. And I think I can say for sure now that I won't be hearing from him again :)
***Writings copyright 2002 j.a.n. (Akiko Meigetsu)***