Akiko's Adventures in Online Personals

Part 1: The Responces and The Dates

As I said in the introduction, several months ago, I decided to post an online personal ad. I was bored, and I am a tech nerd, so it seemed like the ideal way to kill some time and possibly even to meet someone. At the very least, I figured it would keep me entertained for a while, which it most certainly has done. My ad is kinda cheesy, I mean, how can they not be? It’s ridiculous to try to describe yourself in a paragraph - particularly when you are basically advertising yourself to an unknown audience. I have gotten tons of responses, and it has been pretty fun - if just to laugh at some of the lines I get - honestly guys, do you think that we can't see through your lines? - but it has been entertaining, even if I haven't started dating anyone.

The people you meet though can be rather amazing. I have gotten responses from guys between 21 and 45. I am 24. I can't imagine what a 45-year-old man thinks we are going to have in common. One was a high school principal - I’m barely older than the children he teaches!!! I could really do without the dirty old men, but I figure is part and parcel when placing a personal, and I really have only gotten a couple sketchy old men. Most of the guys have seemed pretty normal.

When I first posted, I got a whole lot of very religious guys responding to my ad. I suspect it is because I did identify myself as Christian: Protestant, however, I have not been living my life according to scripture... I got several creationists who, when they found out I study biology, wanted to convince me that evolution is wrong... I don't mind a debate, but trying to argue facts with someone who doesn't look at facts, but holds his believes based on faith is not my idea of a good time, thanks. I really don’t feel that I need to be Saved because I believe in Evolution.

My absolute favorite was the guy who said he was looking for a "healthy, morally clean woman". He was incredibly hot, so I kinda wish I was his type of girl, but I'm not, so I wrote him back and politely told him that, while I felt I was in general a moral person, I was also a modern American woman, and I was probably not the morally clean woman he was looking for, and he thanked me for my honesty. A very pleasant exchange, and still has to be among my favorites.

I have gone on 4 dates from the ad thus far. The first guy I was really excited about meeting - we conversed really well over email and on the phone. But didn't really hit it off in person... For starters, he, at 29, still got rip-roaring drunk with his friends every weekend. Don't you grow out of that after college? Actually, to be totally truthful, I sent him a thank you email, but neither one of us made any effort to talk to each other after that.

Date number two also sounded promising before I met him. I threw caution into the wind, and met him at his house. That is one of the no-no’s for blind dates -- you are supposed to meet in a public place for safety reasons, but I left all his information with my housemates, and had my cell-phone with me. His house was very neat, and he had several 2 foot tall Christmas Nutcrackers on display. He was very, very excited about seeing his nutcracker dealer the next weekend... In addition to that peculiarity, he also was about 3 inches shorter than he claimed in his ad, and about 50 pounds heavier - lying is a great way to start a potential relationship. The fact that he had drunk an entire bottle of wine before I arrived (b/c the workmen in his house had made him uncomfortable) and another 3 drinks at dinner ensured that he was not going to make it past the first date.

Date number three, or rather, what was supposed to be number three, stood me up. Oh well. We were gonna meet at the Barnes and Noble coffee house, and he never showed, but I got a couple new manga books while I was there, so it wasn't a total loss. I never got a call or email from him about why he didn’t show, and I didn’t bother emailing to ask.

The most recent one date wonder started out great - nice dinner, good conversation, we seemed to be hitting it off pretty well... But later it turned into an interview on sexual compatibility. On the first date. At least give me the illusion that it would be more than sex, please - hold off the interview for the second date at least? If I was looking for a play partner, I wouldn't need to post a friggen personal, I was kinda hoping for something more, thanks anyway...

So this brings me to my conclusion that romance is dead, and dating is really just a way to get laid in this modern world of AIDS and STD's and other scary things. And wanting something more, whatever it is, is wanting something impossible - a fairy tale that doesn't exist. I may not be ready to get married tomorrow, but I want something that has the possibility of lasting, rather than just a sexual partner. Why does it have to be one or the other? Play partner or life partner? Why can't you just go out with someone, have fun, and see where it leads? And why does "have fun" have to mean fuck around?

I am feeling a little down on the whole dating thing care of the last date (and the email I describe in the next essay), but I am a realist. In fact, I just got an email from this guy who said I made his day by replying to him. And he is pretty cute, and seems pretty normal so far... So maybe I won't give up on men altogether. At least not yet.

The continuing story: The Penis Guy
The interesting story: The Pastor
The final story: The Match

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***Writings copyright 2002 j.a.n. (Akiko Meigetsu)***